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“I Feel Deeply Ashamed”: 40 Secrets People Would Rather Take To The Grave Than Confess To Partners
Everyone lies and keeps secrets from others to some extent, no matter how much they trust them. It’s simply what people do. That being said, there is a huge gap between basic privacy, harmless white lies, and positive secrets versus intentionally hiding truly emotionally devastating facts that could turn your entire relationship upside down.
Today, we’re examining some of the best and worst secrets that internet users have kept from their significant others, as shared in a couple of online threads. These are things they hope their partners will never, ever find out, whether for good or for ill. Scroll down below for their anonymous confessions.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
She broke her brand new laptop's display and told me to get it repaired if it costs under a hundred bucks because she is in the process of moving and therefore doesn't have too much money at the moment. I knew from the start it would cost more. She was so sad and disappointed in herself that she broke it just 2 months after buying it. I wanted to do something about it, but i knew she would never let me pay it for her. So i brought it home, got it repaired for 200 and told her the bill was 80. I normally never lie to her so it feels weird, but she is happy so i'm happy.
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#2
My sophmore year of college my dad changed his mind about helping me go to school (tuition, books, rent, etc.) 3 days before classes started. I was 19 with a part time job and his solution was to just take the money from my savings which, didn't even come close to covering it. I used a connection I had to get a job as a cocktail waitress at a strip club for the next year but I also called up an older, married guy who had been pursing me and used him as a sugar daddy to get on my feet. My SO knows I worked as a cocktail waitress but I can never tell him the rest. I've never really told anyone because even though I found a way to make it when didn't have a lot of choices I'm still not proud of it.
#3
She is in Italy living abroad for 3 months, so we are doing LDR.
I am keeping a journal where I write a page every day about her (what I love about her, what I think about her, memories we've shared, times I was thinking about her)... She doesn't know, but she does know there is some surprise that she will get... I haven't told her anything about it and I'm really excited
It's really hard to write when we are in an argument (please don't argue over text, it only makes things worse), but it's also really good because it makes me more mindful and requires me to change my perspective of situations constantly.
I love her.
There is a world of difference between privacy and secrecy. According to the Center for Modern Relationships, privacy is your right to have your thoughts, feelings, and experiences that you shouldn’t feel compelled to share with others. “It includes having boundaries around how and when you are accessible, and allows you to have alone time. Privacy is a healthy form or practicing individuality.”
Common examples of healthy privacy include things like having passwords on your phone and computer, personal conversations with your family and friends, separate bank accounts, keeping silent about embarrassing experiences from your past, and having some private time for yourself, separate from your relationship.
#4
I don't really care about coffee that much, but my wife is a coffee freak. I bought an espresso machine, researched on youtube how to barista for newbs, and started making lattes for my wife everyday since it makes her happy. I can't really tell the difference between "good coffee" and "bad coffee" so I'm basically just observing my wife's reactions and following along.
#5
A few years ago I had a full on nervous breakdown and did some really bad s**t.
I didn't hit rock bottom, I went straight through the f****r and entered the seventh circle of hell.
After the event I ended up have 3 years of one to one and group therapy.
My secret is that none of it worked. I'm as scared, lonely and as f****d up as I was before the breakdown, all the group and one to one therapy has done is taught me to hide it better and keep the distress under control.
Everyone thinks I'm happy and never been better..
tresgatos72 1 week ago
Hang in there OP. Find a different therapist if you feel it's not working. Sending hugs.
#6
I secretly love when he has to travel for work.
Not because I like him being gone, but because those 1-2 days apart gives us both a chance to reset and love each other that much more when he gets back. And the kids listen better when it's just me.
On the flip side, secrecy is very much intentional. At its core, it involves hiding or withholding information from your significant other because you believe revealing the information could have big consequences. “Secrecy is a toxic relationship behavior that can cause serious harm to the health of your relationship.”
Some examples of secrecy look like this:
- Lying about your finances, debt, or spending habits;
- Making big financial decisions without your partner;
- Lying about your job or career path;
- Hiding the truth of your relationships with friends, colleagues, and ex-partners;
- Hiding addictions;
- Flirting with other people (unless this is something you’ve agreed to do with your partner);
- Hiding parts of your health history that might impact your partner.
#7
It bugs me that our dog prefers her. If it's the two of us in the lounge, she'll always go lay her head on my girlfriends lap. I bet she keeps snacks in her trousers. That's got to be it.
#8
I lost almost all feelings for him at one point and was considering breaking up with him, but stuck around. Best d**n decision of my life to stick around.
Johnnynatfan 1 week ago
I feel that way about my wife but Im not planning to break up with her at the moment. I am hoping this happens for us.
#9
Me wanting alone time was me masking my severe anxiety attacks.
Late response to answer the comments: Firstly: thanks for the support and secondly I'm starting to open up to her. It's just that I'm a naturally closed off guy and opening up is a slight challenge for me (mentally). Little by little I'm starting to communicate more about myself but I just need to do it more often though.
Divorce.com explains that people keep secrets from each other out of shame, avoidance, fear of criticism, a lack of trust, as well as a fear of hurting their significant other.
Secrecy can lead to resentment, increase stress and anxiety, create cycles of mistrust, and generally signal that your relationship is in trouble. Keeping secrets can hurt you as well as your partner.
#10
Man, I loved that woman for a long a*s time before I had the nerve to tell her...
#11
My now wife and I had been dating for 4 months when she invited me to join her at a family dinner for her dad's birthday. Now I had met her parents before, but none of her siblings. When we got to the table I immediately recognized her sister from a one night stand I had the year before. We both just shook hands, said nice to meet you. The first chance her sister and I had a moment alone to speak, we both agreed that it's best we just not say thing about it.
Original Kinkster 1 week ago
In my opinion, they should talk to her. They didn't do anything wrong and if it comes out during an argument or something like that, it will feel like they lied to her on purpose the whole time and that'll hurt much more.
#12
That I used to pretend to have conversations with people on the phone. I just wanted him to think I had more friends than I really did and that I was cool.
God dammit now I sound crazy.
However, some small secrets might be fine to keep, so long as you generally have a foundation of honesty in your relationship.
For instance, you can keep short-term secrets about a date night or surprise party that you’re organizing, or that you’ve broken your partner’s favorite item until you replace it. On top of that, there might be situations where you need a bit of time to process the information before you discuss it.
#13
The only secret is a surprise 2-week trip to the UK I'm planning for the two of us - something my SO has dreamed of doing for a long time.
#14
My former partner preassured me into being a camgirl because my wage was not making ends meet. He didn't work. There is most likely p**n of me on the internet I hated producing. I was 18. I'm glad I'm outta there.
I feel deeply ashamed and would never tell my current partner.
Auntriarch 1 week ago
Tell your current partner. If they ditch you for it, they aren't the person you need
#15
That dress really *does* make her look fat.
Broadly speaking, how open and honest are you with your significant others, dear Pandas? Do you keep a lot of secrets from them, whether large or small? If you feel like sharing, what is the biggest thing that you’ve kept secret from your partners? Feel free to open up in the comments at the very bottom of this post.
#16
That I've turned a closet in the hallway into a shoe closet because she has wanted one for a very long time. When she comes back home in a couple of days I hope she loves it.
#17
The baby’s actually asking for her ball when she goes “papa”.
#18
I would never eat my ex girlfriend's mother's cooking due to her poor hygiene. I found hair of hers in my food multiple times, saw her pet their cat then proceed to touch the food she was making, and severed me spaghetti with her bare hands. Always told my ex girlfriend that I wasn't hungry or already ate.
BookFanatic 1 week ago
I've done most of that...but I live alone and usually am just feeding myself. I'm much more hygienic when I have dinner guests.
#19
My SO has a hobby that is slowly turning into a side gig. I hired an artist to create a logo for him and am making him a big sign for his work space and some stickers to do with as he pleases. I'm going to surprise him with it in June for our anniversary and I've had to keep it to myself since December and it's eating me alive!! Longest 6 months ever!
#21
I dated a man for years who lied to me about about his parents being dead. He made up an elaborate tragic story about how they both died together in a car accident. Found out later they were both very much alive. Oh, and he was also married!
Rika 1 week ago
I understand why people might lie about their parents being dead. Sometimes, when you tell your partner that you're no longer in contact with your ab*sive parents, they'll still think it's a good idea to go behind your back and plan a surprise meet-up because they have a good relationship with their own parents and think everything can be forgiven.
#22
That I know when she makes fun of me that she's joking around. But sometimes it actually really hurts my feelings.
JB 1 week ago
I don’t think this should be kept secret. Proper joking around isn’t meant to hurt. Hopefully, your partner would be upset that your feelings were hurt - I don’t mean this in a harsh way, it’s a sign of true caring. It shows you trust them enough to be vulnerable and say, “hey, that hurt”. Hopefully, they keep the lighthearted joking around but avoid the things you’re sensitive about. If they don’t, or even double down, they aren’t really a good partner.
#23
That I served in the army for 5 yrs, and fought in the 1st Iraq war. But to be fair I don't tell anybody about it. I just keep it to myself.
Michael Largey 1 week ago
If a war veteran can leave the past in the past and march on, they're one of the fortunate ones.
#24
We had more s*x than usual while I was watching the witcher. He doesn’t know it’s because I was imagining Henry Cavill.
#25
She doesn’t know that every time I hold her in my arms, I have to stop myself from proposing because I don’t have a ring yet and I want it to be special for her.
Auntriarch 1 week ago
You know the inverse proportion law about cost of wedding and length of marriage? It works for fancy proposals too.
#26
I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now.
I'm 99% sure I'm transgender, but I want to have children with her and be with her for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure if I'll ever tell her because I don't know if we would be together after that.
I love her to death and would do absolutely anything to get her where she wants to be in her life.
What if I come out to her and she leaves me?
Its not something I like to think about.
A less serious secret also; I met a girl online a long time ago online, I went on to meet her in person and stay at her house when I was in grade 9.
We're great friends, real close and everything. I told her I was a year older then I actually am to seem cooler, She still doesn't know.
#27
My sexuality. I've slept with quite a few guys and there's no chance I'd ever tell a female partner. It's funny, because a female partner having slept with another woman prior to your relationship, is a turn on for most men, or at least not a concern. Yet, the woman knowing her man's slept with another man, seems to cause concern, and be a turn off.
#28
How little self confidence I have because she makes me feel like I'm never enough. And how that's driving me into the worst depression I've ever had.
#29
I never told my wife I was abused by a neighbor when I was s kid. She knows my dad beat us but not about the neighbor.
#31
What exactly I did during my deployment in afghanistan waaaay back. We werent together back then, but there are things I need to leave behind, and I am also worried it might affect her opinion of me.
Which, by the way, if anyone in a similar situation is reading this: Keep it to yourself. Always. Bury that s**t deep. Real life is not the movies, people are nowhere near as accepting of bad s**t, and WILL bring it up when tempers flare and fights happen. Or it will slowly gnaw at them.
#32
...ex...but she still doesn't know. I was having a dream about how badly I needed to pee, running around not finding any toilets ANYWHERE. Finally found one and started to p**s.
Except I REALLY pissed. As an adult man I started pissing the bed. The relationship was already on the outs, I hated this girl. I rolled over, pissed all over her side of the bed because she's a SUPER heavy sleeper, then shook her awake and told her she pissed the bed.
She was mortified. I never told a soul, kept "her" secret for her.
I welcome my downvotes and all comments on what a monster j*****s I am.
Original Kinkster 1 week ago
You're absolutely right about what you said in your last sentence. But congrats to your self awareness.
#33
The only nights I sleep are with my partner. I can barely manage more than a few hours otherwise. I have so much anxiety and overthink so many made up scenarios every night, but when I am with them I feel infinitely more calm. I often fake how much I sleep just so they don't worry or feel bad about when I can't be with them.
#34
How often I think about leaving him. Even though I love him/
To answer all your questions: We are both mental ill, no job and a toddler. And it often feels like I have to everything alone. Like raising two children. I barely have any me-time, we dont go out together, I try my best but I just burn out again and again.
We dont have much money, but he smokes and needs to buy new console games because of his ADS, while all I buy for myself are some 2€ facemasks to feel happier.
He burns out so easily, like today after two hours with our kid while I needed a break after dealing all morning (4hrs) with him. And I heard him yelling and insulting our kid which hurts me deeply.
We have some good days, which is why I didnt leave yet. But today is just everything black again.
And no, we have no familiy or friends to support us with the child.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 week ago
He doesn't NEED to buy console games, he's using his condition as an excuse. And there's no justification for yelling at and insulting a child.
#35
How much I actually liked him in those 5 years before we got together and how sad it made me that I never really thought I had a chance with him.
#36
I am, she wants a certain house and I'm saving money, once I buy the house I'm sending the key by mail and will wait for her. :).
Bat cat in a hat 1 week ago
Hmmm. Just because she mentioned she likes a certain house (from how it looks in the outside even!) doesn't mean that'd work in real life, it's a huge decision and she should be a lot more involved.
#37
I might have breast cancer and I am freaking out.
He knows I have a lump. He knows I have a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled. He thinks that it's "preventative, probably a cyst, nbd." That might be the case. But this thing is hard, irregularly-shaped, and only as sensitive and tender as my normal breast tissue. There's a good chance I'm f****d.
I'm not going to dump this on him until I get that mammogram and ultrasound (and possibly biopsy). He has his own s**t going on (newly diagnosed anxiety! onoz!) and I'm not going to add to it with bad news I'm unsure about.
I am talking to friends, and soon a counselor, so it's not like I'm keeping this bottled up...it's just not the right time to tell Husband.
**Edit:** Thanks for the perspective, guys. I'll tell him what's going on. To me, it just seems like telling him that I *might* have cancer is akin to saying, "I have this huge uncomfortable pit in my stomach and my worries are crowding out my everyday thoughts. It's terrible. Want some? I mean, I know you have your own s**t going on, but have some of mine!"
Believe me, if I could keep this a secret from my own d**n self, I would! I want to know a definite yes or no, so I can either prepare or celebrate.
Littlemiss 1 week ago
I knew a lady who discovered breast cancer just before she got got married. She told her new husband and he left her. They'd been together for years and she had seen him through some huge things. The minute she needed him, he dumped her like a hot coal
#38
I have never told her this but as soon as she leaves, I cut a five minute long fart.
Original Kinkster 1 week ago
I never understood this kind of behavior and I think I'll never will... Why to do so much people feel the urge to pretend that their body is malfunctioning?
#39
I'm slowly losing my mental stability. I can feel that my mental health issues are coming back.
#40
I’m their second cousin.
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What do you think ?
Littlemiss 1 week ago
I was ra*ed and didn't tell my then fiance. We were long distance and I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I booked a flight to see him, and eventually broke down and told him months after it happened. I eventually told him to his face. He was amazing and supportive. It helped a lot. We got married while I was there overseas. It strengthened our relationship.
Maples Dad 1 week ago
I am so sorry that happened to you. I too am a survivor of sexual a*****t so I can understand what you went through. Wonderful to read your other half was there for you ♥️
Load More Replies...
Kristiina Männiste 1 week ago
That I do not care about him. I am unable to love and care for people, so I keep my relationships as casual as possible, and I have not brought up the "what are we?" conversation because Im afraid of his answer. I do not know why I am like that. I have not mentioned this to any of the psychiatrists I have seen. I do feel (easily suppressed) guilt and am really bad at manipulating people (mainly because I do not care) so probably Im not a psychopath, maybe just too depressed to feel anything for anyone.
JB 1 week ago
I hope you take this as gently as it’s meant. Please, tell your psychiatrist. They need all the information to be able to truly help you. Otherwise, you’re just going through the motions, turning up without tuning in. I’ve been through my own therapy, it’s really hard to open up about some things, especially if you’re fearful of what they might say (not assuming you feel the same, just offering a bit of vulnerability as encouragement). I wish you all the best.
Load More Replies...
Lost Panda 1 week ago
The one I have is that I in fact do still talk to my mother at least once a week even though she doesn't like her and doesn't like me talking to her.
Tonyah Mcanelly 1 hour ago
When my now ex got busted for posession of child P***n I had noclue it was happening federal agents raided our house . I was not allowed to talk about it to any one until the investigation was over it was a long nine months . My friends and family noticed an immediate decline of mental health . Just the mental trauma of this happening under my own roof was enough to make any one go mad . Finally I was able to get a counselor who was government approved . it helped a little to be able to unload. The way my family found out is that it came out on the news after he was convicted . but having to keep this from my family who could have helped me through the process was incredibly painful to see them wanting to help but couldn't because they simply didn't know.
Donna Peluda 1 week ago
The wife of a guy I know from social circles is on tinder looking for ONS. In her profile she states that she doesn't get enough at home.
Littlemiss 1 week ago
I was ra*ed and didn't tell my then fiance. We were long distance and I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I booked a flight to see him, and eventually broke down and told him months after it happened. I eventually told him to his face. He was amazing and supportive. It helped a lot. We got married while I was there overseas. It strengthened our relationship.
Maples Dad 1 week ago
I am so sorry that happened to you. I too am a survivor of sexual a*****t so I can understand what you went through. Wonderful to read your other half was there for you ♥️
Load More Replies... Kristiina Männiste 1 week ago
That I do not care about him. I am unable to love and care for people, so I keep my relationships as casual as possible, and I have not brought up the "what are we?" conversation because Im afraid of his answer. I do not know why I am like that. I have not mentioned this to any of the psychiatrists I have seen. I do feel (easily suppressed) guilt and am really bad at manipulating people (mainly because I do not care) so probably Im not a psychopath, maybe just too depressed to feel anything for anyone.
JB 1 week ago
I hope you take this as gently as it’s meant. Please, tell your psychiatrist. They need all the information to be able to truly help you. Otherwise, you’re just going through the motions, turning up without tuning in. I’ve been through my own therapy, it’s really hard to open up about some things, especially if you’re fearful of what they might say (not assuming you feel the same, just offering a bit of vulnerability as encouragement). I wish you all the best.
Load More Replies... Lost Panda 1 week ago
The one I have is that I in fact do still talk to my mother at least once a week even though she doesn't like her and doesn't like me talking to her.
Tonyah Mcanelly 1 hour ago
When my now ex got busted for posession of child P***n I had noclue it was happening federal agents raided our house . I was not allowed to talk about it to any one until the investigation was over it was a long nine months . My friends and family noticed an immediate decline of mental health . Just the mental trauma of this happening under my own roof was enough to make any one go mad . Finally I was able to get a counselor who was government approved . it helped a little to be able to unload. The way my family found out is that it came out on the news after he was convicted . but having to keep this from my family who could have helped me through the process was incredibly painful to see them wanting to help but couldn't because they simply didn't know.
Donna Peluda 1 week ago
The wife of a guy I know from social circles is on tinder looking for ONS. In her profile she states that she doesn't get enough at home.
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